1 00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:09,748 Today nerds are cool, 2 00:00:09,835 --> 00:00:11,750 but in the '80s, we had a whole class 3 00:00:11,837 --> 00:00:14,884 dedicated to reminding us we weren't, gym. 4 00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:19,671 I love the smell of torn underwear in the morning. 5 00:00:19,758 --> 00:00:24,067 But misery loves company, and my company was Greg. 6 00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:25,982 I was lucky to have him, 7 00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:29,290 especially because it was the most miserable time of year, 8 00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:30,682 dodgeball week. 9 00:00:30,769 --> 00:00:32,989 Are you ready for this? 10 00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:34,686 Here. I have an extra. 11 00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:36,427 I don't want your hand-me-down cup. 12 00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:38,647 If you don't use one, you'll need some hand-me-down nuts. 13 00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:41,302 Dodgeball was five days of state-sanctioned 14 00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:42,912 child warfare. 15 00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,218 It started in PE. 16 00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:47,960 Ugh! 17 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,006 But it affected every class in school, 18 00:00:50,093 --> 00:00:53,575 social studies, science. 19 00:00:53,662 --> 00:00:55,620 We weren't even safe if we were right outside 20 00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,013 the principal's office. 21 00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:59,363 Ugh! Seriously? 22 00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:00,451 Huh? 23 00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:07,067 Thank you for being a friend. 24 00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:09,982 Greg, I found a way for us to dodge dodgeball. 25 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,767 What is it? Seducing Principal Morello? 26 00:01:11,854 --> 00:01:13,247 You should do that. 27 00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:14,248 You know she likes her milk chocolate. 28 00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:15,640 No, look. 29 00:01:15,727 --> 00:01:17,512 It says if students start a club 30 00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:20,297 based on physical activity, they're excused from gym class. 31 00:01:20,384 --> 00:01:21,472 We should start a club. 32 00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:23,083 You're a friggin' genius! 33 00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,258 But we gotta do this soon. 34 00:01:24,345 --> 00:01:25,737 I'm running out of underwear. 35 00:01:25,824 --> 00:01:27,304 And I'm down to my last pair. 36 00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,481 And now they're ruined. 37 00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:35,486 This rules. 38 00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:37,445 We'll finally have a place where we can chill and not have 39 00:01:37,532 --> 00:01:38,881 things flying at our heads. 40 00:01:38,968 --> 00:01:41,275 That's why we have to fly under the radar. 41 00:01:41,362 --> 00:01:43,059 So let's pick an activity no one likes. 42 00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:44,147 Tennis? 43 00:01:44,234 --> 00:01:46,715 No way. White people love tennis. 44 00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:48,586 It's the only sport we still dominate. 45 00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:50,197 Not for long. 46 00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:52,373 What about Jazzercise? 47 00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:55,724 No, that'll attract girls, and girls attract bullies. 48 00:01:55,811 --> 00:01:58,422 But something dance-related could be good. 49 00:01:58,509 --> 00:02:00,076 What's a dance white people can't do? 50 00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:01,643 Every one of them. 51 00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:02,731 I got it! 52 00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:04,907 A breakdancing club. 53 00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:07,388 What a fly idea! 54 00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:09,955 You b-boys be busting moves like in "Breakin' 2: 55 00:02:10,042 --> 00:02:11,348 Electric Boogaloo." 56 00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,220 Right. 57 00:02:13,307 --> 00:02:16,353 But darn, you need a third member to start any club, 58 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,921 and unfortunately, no one else at Tattaglia can 59 00:02:19,008 --> 00:02:20,879 breaka-breaka-break it down. 60 00:02:20,966 --> 00:02:21,880 No problem. 61 00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:23,273 I know a brother. 62 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:24,840 Thanks for doing this, Drew. 63 00:02:24,927 --> 00:02:26,363 Oh, I'm not doing this for you. 64 00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,191 I just love all the martial arts. 65 00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:29,671 Breakdancing is a martial art? 66 00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:31,803 The robot is all karate chops. 67 00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:37,157 I'm so excited you boys are bringing your urban flavor 68 00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:38,680 to our school. 69 00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:40,899 This is definitely going in the newsletter. 70 00:02:40,986 --> 00:02:43,424 Wait, is that black mold on the walls? 71 00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:45,295 I don't see color, Chris. 72 00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:47,341 I only see mold. 73 00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:52,259 My sister Tonya had attitude and her own key, 74 00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:54,348 which to her seventh-grade girl gang 75 00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:56,654 meant she was grown and in charge. 76 00:02:56,741 --> 00:02:59,091 Uh, algebra was pretty fun today. 77 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,397 Yeah, it kind of was. 78 00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:01,529 No, it wasn't. 79 00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:03,095 Yeah, I hate algebra. 80 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,923 Me too, always have. 81 00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:07,796 But she was about to get booted by a belly button. 82 00:03:07,883 --> 00:03:09,450 Damn, Sally. 83 00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:10,451 Whoa. 84 00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:12,104 A crop top! 85 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,976 I got my mom to buy this for me. 86 00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:15,369 Can you believe it? 87 00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:17,153 You're so lucky. 88 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:21,113 Here I am, stuck in these little kid clothes. 89 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,507 Uh, aren't you cold in that? 90 00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:26,206 Yeah, but I feel hot. 91 00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:30,775 Huh, anyone seen my house key? 92 00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:31,907 Oh. 93 00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:33,387 Here it is. 94 00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:35,432 Gotta get home and let myself in. 95 00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,217 Come on. 96 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:38,566 Aren't you coming? 97 00:03:38,653 --> 00:03:40,785 Oh, I kind of want a calzone. 98 00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:42,222 Oh, we'll keep you company! 99 00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:45,529 Mind if I take a sip of your drink? 100 00:03:46,748 --> 00:03:47,705 Ahh. 101 00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:50,186 both: Ahh. 102 00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:52,057 There was a new queen bee, and Tonya 103 00:03:52,144 --> 00:03:53,755 was feeling the sting. 104 00:03:53,842 --> 00:03:57,324 The usual, Julius, or something fancy today? 105 00:03:57,411 --> 00:03:58,803 Fancy? 106 00:03:58,890 --> 00:04:00,588 Whatcha gonna do, paint an 8 on there 107 00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,329 and sink him in the corner pocket? 108 00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:05,201 Ha-ha. 109 00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:06,550 Just the usual, Manny. 110 00:04:06,637 --> 00:04:08,291 That's how my wife likes it. 111 00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:10,424 How does your wife like it, Mr. Omar? 112 00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:11,512 Oh, that's right. 113 00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:12,600 You don't got one. 114 00:04:12,687 --> 00:04:13,775 - Ooh. - Ohh. 115 00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:14,776 You're right. 116 00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:15,994 I don't have a wife. 117 00:04:16,081 --> 00:04:17,431 I have my customers' wives. 118 00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,130 Would you look at her? 119 00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:23,132 Yo, Monk, let me hold a dollar so I 120 00:04:23,219 --> 00:04:25,134 can get change and bounce four quarters off 121 00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:26,962 of that fine behind. 122 00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:29,007 Look, Mr. Julius. 123 00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:32,489 Yeah, she's got some, uh, debris in the caboose. 124 00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:35,405 What in the name of high-waisted 125 00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:36,885 jeans are you talking about? 126 00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:38,321 I don't know how to explain it. 127 00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:41,281 I kind of have butt blindness. 128 00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:43,370 The hell you mean "butt blindness"? 129 00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:46,503 I can see them, but they all look the same to me. 130 00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:48,940 I can't tell Grace Jones from Quincy Jones. 131 00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:54,729 You're missing out on one of life's greatest pleasures. 132 00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,600 Tragic! 133 00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:58,907 Well, I only got eyes for my wife anyway. 134 00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:01,910 But you've never really seen her booty, have you? 135 00:05:01,997 --> 00:05:03,477 Uh-- 136 00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:06,958 You see anything you like, baby? 137 00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:08,046 Damn, woman. 138 00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:11,528 Looking real lumpy today. 139 00:05:11,615 --> 00:05:13,356 Lumpy? 140 00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:14,183 The only thing that's gonna have lumps around here 141 00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:15,532 is your head. - Ooh. 142 00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:16,707 What? 143 00:05:16,794 --> 00:05:18,405 - Does she know? - You crazy. 144 00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:19,580 How can I tell my wife I haven't 145 00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:20,929 ever really seen her ass? 146 00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,974 From behind bulletproof glass. 147 00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:24,236 We're gonna help you. 148 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,326 It's our duty as men. 149 00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:33,463 All right, let's get the paperwork out of the way. 150 00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:37,249 Official name, Breakdancing Club. 151 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,382 What about The Dance Lads? 152 00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:40,644 No. 153 00:05:40,731 --> 00:05:43,430 OK, president, me. 154 00:05:43,517 --> 00:05:45,170 When did you become president? 155 00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:46,824 This was all Chris's idea. 156 00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:48,260 None of this matters. 157 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,175 Then as co-president, I agree. 158 00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:51,133 Fine. 159 00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:53,265 You can be co-president. 160 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:54,441 And Drew can be VP. 161 00:05:54,528 --> 00:05:55,398 Cool. 162 00:05:55,485 --> 00:05:57,444 Oh, can I be treasurer, too? 163 00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:59,359 I want an extra picture in the yearbook. 164 00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:01,404 I'm gonna go stretch. 165 00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:03,885 Wait, are we actually gonna learn how to breakdance? 166 00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:07,236 No, it's quiet, and if I fall asleep, no one's gonna write 167 00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:09,020 "King Kong" on my forehead. 168 00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:10,674 So I'm gonna take a nap. 169 00:06:10,761 --> 00:06:13,416 Well, then, what am I gonna do? 170 00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:16,114 You're the treasurer, so treasure 171 00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:19,944 the time you spend not having stuff thrown at your head. 172 00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:27,038 Thanks for taking me shopping, Mama. 173 00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:28,605 Of course, baby. 174 00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:30,390 None of my kids gonna look raggedy. 175 00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:32,130 What do you need? New socks? 176 00:06:32,217 --> 00:06:33,218 Barrettes? 177 00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:35,177 Something else inexpensive? 178 00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:38,354 Just something a little more seventh grade, you know? 179 00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:40,095 Aw, what about this? 180 00:06:40,182 --> 00:06:41,618 It's so cute. 181 00:06:41,705 --> 00:06:44,926 I was thinking something more like this. 182 00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:47,276 The rest of that shirt better still be on the rack. 183 00:06:47,363 --> 00:06:48,756 It's a crop top, Mama. 184 00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:50,497 Why on Earth do you want me to pay 185 00:06:50,584 --> 00:06:51,976 full price for half a shirt? 186 00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:53,021 I don't know. 187 00:06:53,108 --> 00:06:54,152 My friend has one. 188 00:06:54,239 --> 00:06:56,111 It's just in, OK? 189 00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:58,983 Let's find something in that doesn't have your stomach out. 190 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:02,247 I just want to look more grown. 191 00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:04,772 What's wrong with looking your age? 192 00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:06,730 What's wrong with looking more grown? 193 00:07:06,817 --> 00:07:08,210 I shouldn't be walking around my school 194 00:07:08,297 --> 00:07:09,298 looking like a stripper. 195 00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:11,779 Mm, that felt personal. 196 00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:14,564 All I wanna do is play dress-up with you, 197 00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,871 and you out here trying to be a nun. 198 00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:18,525 Ohh. 199 00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:20,352 Sweetie, I'm your mom, and I really 200 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,268 think you should stick with stuff like this for now, OK? 201 00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:26,750 OK. 202 00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:27,925 You're right, Mama. 203 00:07:30,232 --> 00:07:32,147 Please help me. 204 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,152 Were you gonna write on my forehead? 205 00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:38,936 No. Maybe. 206 00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:39,937 I don't know. 207 00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:41,025 I'm bored. 208 00:07:41,112 --> 00:07:42,592 Hey, I have an idea. 209 00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,551 Motion to invite girls to the club. 210 00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:46,857 Greg, I like girls, too. 211 00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:48,468 Everyone likes girls. 212 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:51,079 But everyone includes bullies, and bullies 213 00:07:51,166 --> 00:07:53,951 will give us wedgies in front of the girls. 214 00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:55,170 Is that what you want? 215 00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:56,084 Maybe we should vote on it. 216 00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:57,128 Greg, no! 217 00:07:57,215 --> 00:07:58,173 Absolutely not! 218 00:07:58,260 --> 00:07:59,827 Yeah, this is Chris's club. 219 00:07:59,914 --> 00:08:00,784 OK, fine. 220 00:08:00,871 --> 00:08:02,046 No girls. 221 00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:04,919 You look hot upside down. 222 00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:06,181 Augh! 223 00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:08,444 Whoa, what's this? 224 00:08:08,531 --> 00:08:11,186 Some guests of the female persuasion? 225 00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:12,404 Ladies, come in. 226 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,102 What the hell, man? 227 00:08:14,189 --> 00:08:16,060 It's just two girls from my chemistry class. 228 00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:17,714 Don't worry. 229 00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:20,412 Ladies, welcome to my club. 230 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,371 Ugh, filled out a ton of paperwork. 231 00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:23,981 So tiring. 232 00:08:24,068 --> 00:08:26,331 Do you mind if I rest my carpal tunnels? 233 00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:27,898 He's taking advantage of you. 234 00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:29,073 No, he's not. 235 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,510 I'm here for Greg's club. 236 00:08:33,774 --> 00:08:35,340 This is a little conservative, 237 00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:36,733 but this will look cute on you. 238 00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:38,256 You'd let me have that? 239 00:08:38,343 --> 00:08:40,258 Um, I'll let you borrow it. 240 00:08:40,345 --> 00:08:41,825 Stand up. 241 00:08:41,912 --> 00:08:42,609 Yes! 242 00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:44,175 You see that, Tasha? 243 00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:46,830 This is how you make your mommy proud of you. 244 00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:49,572 I made principal's list for the 50th week in a row. 245 00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:51,400 And I've been on parole for 48 weeks, 246 00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:52,706 but you don't see me bragging. 247 00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,751 Let me see your face, girl. 248 00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:57,232 You got pretty eyes, Tonya. 249 00:08:57,319 --> 00:08:58,320 - Really? - Mm. 250 00:08:58,407 --> 00:08:59,887 We gotta use them. 251 00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:05,196 Get you back on top with your little girl gang. 252 00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:07,198 Now hold up the top with it. 253 00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:08,591 Mm-hmm. 254 00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:10,114 We do that, maybe some earrings. 255 00:09:10,201 --> 00:09:11,246 Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! 256 00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,161 Check yourself out! 257 00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:19,036 Damn, I look grown enough to buy a lottery ticket. 258 00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:21,865 The next day, my brother looked forward 259 00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:23,563 to breaking while I looked forward 260 00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:24,694 to actually taking a break. 261 00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:30,352 Damn it. 262 00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:32,963 But Greg had turned our club into da club. 263 00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:34,008 "Damn it"? 264 00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:35,052 That's it? 265 00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:36,314 Even your bully is here. 266 00:09:36,401 --> 00:09:37,533 Be more mad. - Why? 267 00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,230 It's just Greg being Greg. 268 00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,536 Well, Greg is selfish. 269 00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:42,016 Isn't he always like this? 270 00:09:42,103 --> 00:09:43,583 Uh-- 271 00:09:45,454 --> 00:09:47,848 Thanks, homey. 272 00:09:50,764 --> 00:09:52,243 At least it's two against one. 273 00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:53,549 Ugh! 274 00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:56,247 Hi, Chris. 275 00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:58,293 What's going on? 276 00:09:58,380 --> 00:10:00,208 Chris pooped his pants yesterday, but my underwear? 277 00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:02,297 Bone dry. 278 00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:03,994 Eh, it's a numbers game. 279 00:10:04,081 --> 00:10:05,866 Chris, he is not a good friend. 280 00:10:05,953 --> 00:10:07,607 You need to stand up for yourself. 281 00:10:09,521 --> 00:10:10,914 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 282 00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:13,787 Greg, this is supposed to be our thing. 283 00:10:13,874 --> 00:10:15,527 Get these people out of here. 284 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,312 No, I want girls here. 285 00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:18,661 Nice club, Chris. 286 00:10:18,748 --> 00:10:20,010 Here's my membership fee. 287 00:10:20,097 --> 00:10:21,751 Ooh! - Ow! 288 00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:22,970 See? 289 00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:24,841 I told you girls would bring bullies! 290 00:10:24,928 --> 00:10:26,669 We're supposed to look out for each other, 291 00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:27,844 but you only care about yourself. 292 00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:30,673 So as president, I say we vote you out. 293 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,588 As VP, I second. 294 00:10:32,675 --> 00:10:35,417 Well, as co-president and treasurer, I get two votes, 295 00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:36,810 and I vote I stay. 296 00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:39,290 He thinks his vote is twice mine? 297 00:10:39,377 --> 00:10:41,902 That's even worse than the Three-Fifths Compromise. 298 00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:43,991 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 299 00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:46,036 That's not how we solve things. 300 00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:48,343 I came to check on you guys, and it looks 301 00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:50,127 like I arrived just in time. 302 00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:52,956 There's only one way to resolve this-- 303 00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:55,480 a breakdance battle here, tomorrow. 304 00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:56,525 Seriously? 305 00:10:56,612 --> 00:10:58,222 That's the only way? 306 00:10:58,309 --> 00:10:59,136 It's the only way I can make sure I have 307 00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:00,877 my good camera to take pictures. 308 00:11:08,798 --> 00:11:11,583 Hey. 309 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:12,976 - Whoa. - Damn, Tonya. 310 00:11:13,063 --> 00:11:15,979 What? 311 00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:19,896 What'll it be? 312 00:11:19,983 --> 00:11:22,551 I'm trying to piss off my boss enough to get severance. 313 00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:24,553 What's your nastiest flavor? 314 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,817 The Chitlin' Juice glazed. 315 00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:29,210 I should just stop making it. 316 00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:30,254 Gross. 317 00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:33,040 Give me a dozen. 318 00:11:33,127 --> 00:11:37,131 Oh, hell no! 319 00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:39,307 You think my crop top is too short, 320 00:11:39,394 --> 00:11:42,832 or is it cool my house key pokes out from under it? 321 00:11:45,356 --> 00:11:46,662 Ah! 322 00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:48,229 Mama, what are you doing? 323 00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:51,362 You think you grown now, huh? 324 00:11:51,449 --> 00:11:53,016 Let's go. 325 00:11:53,103 --> 00:11:54,322 I'm gonna beat the pepperoni out your behind. 326 00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:00,850 Let's start with an easy one. 327 00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:03,461 Pretend this is a small butt. 328 00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:06,638 How would you describe its shape? 329 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,249 Ooh, ooh, ooh, pineapple! 330 00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:12,906 That's Vanessa Williams. Nope. 331 00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:14,168 Janet Jackson. 332 00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,212 Nope. 333 00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:17,475 Bob Newhart. 334 00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,609 Maybe you just need glasses to see them asses. 335 00:12:20,696 --> 00:12:23,220 Now, which one is Kill Moves? 336 00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:25,962 Uh, it's a trick question. 337 00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:27,703 They're both Kill Moves. 338 00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:31,663 Damn, you're not just butt blind, you're bum blind. 339 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:32,882 None of this is working. 340 00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:35,145 It's like I'm not even a Black man. 341 00:12:35,232 --> 00:12:37,452 You just spent seven hours at a barbershop. 342 00:12:37,539 --> 00:12:38,845 You Black. 343 00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:41,630 Still, tough break, Mr. Julius. 344 00:12:41,717 --> 00:12:43,545 But hey, thanks for reminding us not to take booties 345 00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,155 for granted. 346 00:12:45,242 --> 00:12:46,983 The next time I see a big beautiful behind, 347 00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:49,203 I'm gonna tell it how much I love it. 348 00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:50,857 20 minutes later, he got arrested 349 00:12:50,944 --> 00:12:53,033 for harassing a police horse. 350 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,733 Peaches, open the damn door! 351 00:12:57,820 --> 00:13:00,518 My mom hadn't been this mad at Peaches 352 00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:04,000 since, well, the last time she interacted with Peaches. 353 00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:06,873 Don't make me get my battering ram! 354 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,178 Oh, hi, baby. 355 00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:09,353 Is your mommy home? 356 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:10,354 I'm right here. 357 00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:12,052 Go watch TV. 358 00:13:12,139 --> 00:13:13,357 I need to prepare for bible study. 359 00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:15,359 You're gonna study for a study? 360 00:13:15,446 --> 00:13:17,535 Oh, my god. 361 00:13:17,622 --> 00:13:19,494 Sometimes, I swear, I wonder if she's even my daughter. 362 00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:21,191 Then I remember how she wrecked my-- 363 00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:23,628 Peaches, did you dress up my daughter 364 00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:25,413 in your hoochie clothes? 365 00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:28,808 Yeah, I bought all these fly clothes for Tasha, 366 00:13:28,895 --> 00:13:30,722 and she won't wear them. 367 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:31,854 I'm sorry, Rochelle. 368 00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:33,813 I was just trying to have some fun. 369 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,946 You can't do whatever you want just because it's fun. 370 00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:39,427 Damn, you sound like my mom. 371 00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:41,124 Oh, please. 372 00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:43,866 My mom was so strict, never let me wear what I wanted, 373 00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:46,651 embarrassed me in front of all my friends, but I showed her. 374 00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:49,089 The day I turned 18, I got out the house 375 00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:51,569 and did whatever I wanted, partying, 376 00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,267 drinking, messing around. 377 00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:54,529 Well, except after Tasha was born. 378 00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:55,835 I couldn't hook up with anybody for months. 379 00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:57,793 My downstairs was a mess. 380 00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,012 Thank you, Peaches. 381 00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:01,536 You're welcome. 382 00:14:01,623 --> 00:14:03,973 Wait, for what? 383 00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:06,758 I didn't know how to breakdance, but luckily, 384 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,108 neither did Greg. 385 00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:10,632 Give him a Bed-Stuy beatdown! 386 00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:13,330 But don't beat him so badly he ends up racist forever. 387 00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:14,854 This should be over quickly. 388 00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,725 All righty, b-boys. 389 00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:20,685 Whichever one of you can get the crowd most hyped wins. 390 00:14:20,772 --> 00:14:22,687 Chris, you go first. 391 00:14:30,391 --> 00:14:31,305 OK. 392 00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:32,523 Mm. 393 00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:33,611 Ahh! 394 00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:40,749 That was terrible, but I bet Greg will be even worse. 395 00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:43,839 My turn. 396 00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:44,492 Oh! Ooh! 397 00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:54,850 Ohh! Damn! 398 00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:57,461 How did his white ass learn to do all that? 399 00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:59,463 White people had a secret tool 400 00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:02,684 to learn how to breakdance, Alfonso Ribeiro. 401 00:15:06,818 --> 00:15:09,386 Now watch this, suckas. 402 00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:10,822 Ah! Ow. 403 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:11,823 Ow. 404 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,521 My neck. 405 00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:15,436 Oh, god, I think I swallowed my Adam's apple. 406 00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:16,741 Boo! 407 00:15:16,828 --> 00:15:18,526 - Ow! - Uh-oh. 408 00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:19,657 This feels lawsuit-y. 409 00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:21,616 Uh, the club is canceled. 410 00:15:21,703 --> 00:15:24,575 Everyone, back to regular gym. 411 00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:25,707 Ugh! 412 00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:27,796 I'll go warm up my dodgeball arm. 413 00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:30,668 If something happens, can I have your baseball cards? 414 00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:36,370 If you're gonna whup me again, 415 00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:38,154 can you wait until I finish my algebra? 416 00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:40,200 It's hard to solve for Y when all I can think about 417 00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:41,897 is why my butt stings. 418 00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,855 I'm not gonna whup you, but help 419 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:47,685 me understand, why is dressing all grown so important to you? 420 00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:49,383 Remember my friend Sally? 421 00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:51,211 She got a crop top, and now everyone's 422 00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:52,516 paying more attention to her. 423 00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:54,214 I just feel kicked to the curb. 424 00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:56,825 I guess me bugging out like I did at the pizza 425 00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:58,261 parlor didn't help. 426 00:15:58,348 --> 00:15:59,828 Yeah. 427 00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:01,917 When I saw you wearing those clothes, 428 00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:04,789 I was mad as hell, but I was more upset that you 429 00:16:04,876 --> 00:16:06,182 went to Peaches because you felt 430 00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:07,792 like you couldn't talk to me. 431 00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:09,446 I don't want you to become like Peaches. 432 00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:10,882 I don't wanna be Peaches! 433 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,362 Oh, thank god. 434 00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:14,712 I mean, Peaches has some cute outfits, 435 00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:18,629 but sometimes she be looking crazy. 436 00:16:18,716 --> 00:16:20,370 So what do you want? 437 00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,807 I guess I just want my friends to still respect me. 438 00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:24,461 But I also wanna wear what I want. 439 00:16:24,548 --> 00:16:26,811 But that crop top made my belly feel cold. 440 00:16:26,898 --> 00:16:28,639 I don't know what to do. 441 00:16:28,726 --> 00:16:30,206 Well, I'm glad you came to me. 442 00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:32,295 Uh, you came in here. 443 00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,210 Tonya, do you want me to fix this or not? 444 00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:35,385 Yes, fine, yes. 445 00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:37,344 OK. 446 00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:38,998 Well, here's what you're gonna say to your little friends. 447 00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:48,485 You know, you should really eat something before dodgeball. 448 00:16:48,572 --> 00:16:50,618 No, it's better to get hit on an empty stomach. 449 00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:52,315 Are you sure? 450 00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:53,664 You got no muscle, so you should have a little fat 451 00:16:53,751 --> 00:16:54,883 to absorb the blows. 452 00:16:56,537 --> 00:16:57,755 Isn't it better to not have to deal 453 00:16:57,842 --> 00:16:59,148 with that selfish clown? 454 00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:00,845 Yeah, I guess. 455 00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:02,891 You're better off without him. 456 00:17:02,978 --> 00:17:05,633 Now you can get real good at "Solitaire" or, like, thinking. 457 00:17:08,723 --> 00:17:09,637 Hey, Jerome. 458 00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:10,942 What are you doing here? 459 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,422 It just didn't sit right with me 460 00:17:12,509 --> 00:17:14,033 to give up on you like that, brother. 461 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,469 There's something blocking you. 462 00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:16,905 We need to go deeper. 463 00:17:16,992 --> 00:17:18,341 Are you down for some hypnosis? 464 00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:20,343 You know how to do hypnosis? 465 00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:21,692 I took a course. 466 00:17:21,779 --> 00:17:22,954 You don't think I got aspirations? 467 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,521 Damn. 468 00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:26,523 At this point, what have I got to lose? 469 00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:27,611 OK. 470 00:17:27,698 --> 00:17:30,179 Now follow the watch. 471 00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:31,615 Hey, that's my watch! 472 00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:32,964 You wanna be fixed or not? 473 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,966 Now follow the watch. 474 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:38,187 Follow the watch. 475 00:17:44,715 --> 00:17:47,022 Sweet baby Jesus! 476 00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:48,589 - What are you looking at, son? - What? 477 00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:50,199 You wanna go to hell? 478 00:17:50,286 --> 00:17:52,419 You're breaking one of the Ten Commandments! 479 00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:56,510 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's backside! 480 00:17:57,728 --> 00:17:59,295 That's it! 481 00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:02,168 My dad scared the love of butts out of me! 482 00:18:02,255 --> 00:18:03,604 What do I do? 483 00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:04,996 I'll just hypnotize that out of you. 484 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,955 Follow the watch. 485 00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:09,523 Follow the watch. 486 00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:12,656 You were once blind, but now you can see. 487 00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:16,356 Butts, bottoms, tushies, booties, 488 00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:21,187 derrieres, dat ass. 489 00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:23,058 All right, moment of truth. 490 00:18:23,145 --> 00:18:24,538 Whose butt is this? 491 00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:27,584 Pam Grier. 492 00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:30,196 And that one is different than that one. 493 00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:32,285 I can see Pam Grier's butt! 494 00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:33,286 Yo, keep it down! 495 00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:34,896 Your wife might hear you. 496 00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:36,158 My wife? 497 00:18:36,245 --> 00:18:38,813 Baby, I'm coming for your ass! 498 00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:44,819 - Hey. - Oh. 499 00:18:44,906 --> 00:18:46,864 Hey, Tonya. 500 00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:49,476 That was pretty crazy the other day with your mom. 501 00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:53,001 Sorry, it's not funny. 502 00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:54,698 Nah, it's all right. 503 00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:56,396 Y'all haven't seen her, have you? 504 00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:57,614 Your mom? 505 00:18:57,701 --> 00:18:58,615 No. 506 00:18:58,702 --> 00:18:59,747 Why? 507 00:18:59,834 --> 00:19:01,923 Here she comes. 508 00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:07,102 Why is she following you? 509 00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:09,539 She got me on a tight watch because last night, 510 00:19:09,626 --> 00:19:11,498 I called her a bitch. 511 00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:12,977 Whoa. 512 00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:13,935 Dang, Tonya. 513 00:19:14,022 --> 00:19:15,458 You're bad. 514 00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:16,981 Mind if I take a sip of your soda? 515 00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:26,904 Thank you. 516 00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:30,169 My girl is back on top. 517 00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:31,779 Damn, I'm a good mother. 518 00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:32,780 Ooh-whee! 519 00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:34,173 Look at that ass! 520 00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:35,826 You catcalling mother-- 521 00:19:35,913 --> 00:19:38,177 Julius, what are you doing? 522 00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:41,180 And why do you have that goofy grin on your face? 523 00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:44,705 I'm seeing things I've never seen before. 524 00:19:44,792 --> 00:19:46,402 You're just so fine. 525 00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,665 OK, Julius, calm down. 526 00:19:48,752 --> 00:19:51,102 Let's get you home. 527 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:57,544 It's so beautiful. 528 00:19:59,589 --> 00:20:02,636 With Greg injured, I was on my own. 529 00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:06,117 Damn it, forgot my cup. 530 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:09,251 Do you want me to destroy your left nut or right nut? 531 00:20:09,338 --> 00:20:10,774 Left. 532 00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:11,862 Oh! 533 00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:15,518 It's only lightly used. 534 00:20:15,605 --> 00:20:16,563 Ow. 535 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,698 I realized Greg wasn't the best friend, 536 00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:24,048 but he was a friend. 537 00:20:24,135 --> 00:20:27,313 And for now, that was good enough. 538 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,924 By the way, I, uh, got this for you 539 00:20:30,011 --> 00:20:32,666 since I know you couldn't eat before dodgeball. 540 00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:33,797 both: Can't play on a full stomach. 541 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,931 I'm sorry for ruining our club. 542 00:20:37,018 --> 00:20:39,063 I'll try to be a better friend. 543 00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:40,108 Thanks, Greg. 544 00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:44,460 Starting tomorrow, I'll be a better friend. 545 00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:48,725 singers: ♪ Everybody still hates Chris ♪ 546 00:20:54,949 --> 00:20:57,343 Sally, come back here, young lady. 547 00:20:57,430 --> 00:20:58,822 Tina, you OK? 548 00:20:58,909 --> 00:21:00,520 Sally just called me a bitch. 549 00:21:00,607 --> 00:21:03,697 Where is she picking this stuff up? 550 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:37,948 ♪ MTV ♪